Relationship Dialectics Theory, dynamic tension exists in each stage of relationships and are defined by a pair of opposite desires or motivations. There are three important ways we decide the quality of the relationship we have with people: autonomy versus connection, novelty versus predictability, and privacy versus openness. 

 

Autonomy versus Connection will have you ask yourself how close you want to be to that person. Thoughts you may be thinking are, “Do I want to be connected to the hip or be my own person?” “How am I defined with this person, as a couple or as an individual that has a relationship with someone?” Based on the answers of these questions will determine how close you allow that person into your life. 

 

Novelty versus Predictability is where you have to decide if you have a need for adventure and newness versus if you want to know what will happen at every turn and twist in the relationship. 

 

Privacy versus Openness has you ask yourself questions such as whether or not you want to reveal yourself to others, or would you rather just remain a closed book. These questions will determine essentially if you want to let them know you, and how much of yourself you’re willing to share.

 

In the movie, A Star Is Bornstarring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, there are several examples of understanding Relationship Dialectics Theory. The movie is about a musician, Jackson Maine, who has made a name of himself in his success, but has demons that he battles. He turns to alcohol to drown out those demons, which ultimately makes him fall deeper into his depression. A chance meeting at a small gay bar off the beat and path causes Jackson (Bradley Cooper) to see through his fogged mind at the angel on stage singing. Ally (Lady Gaga) is singing to her friends for fun when she notices Jackson won’t take his eyes off of her. A relationship buds, and Jackson coaxes Ally into the spotlight, allowing his fans a glimpse of the star he knows she will become. 

 

Throughout the movie, you watch as Jackson and Ally’s relationship grows into a deep love and at times very volatile. The two try to figure out how much they are willing to give of themselves to one another as they take on this journey of love and rock and roll. 

 

Autonomy versus Connection: Jackson is constantly battling how on how close he should allow Aly to get to him, especially in the beginning of the relationship. With his career, he is constantly on the road and use to being alone, but something about Aly makes him want to be around her more and more as he gets to know her. Aly on the other hand, had it in her mind that she was going to give up on her dreams of being a singer and it now thrusted into Jackson’s crazy rock star life when their duet is recorded and uploaded online and she becomes an overnight star. Aly has to decide if she wants to live this chaotic lifestyle the seems to have caused some issues in Jackson’s life. 

 

Novelty versus Predictability: Jackson is debating on taking a chance on a relationship with Aly, worried that once the newness wares off, he will be back to the same lonely cycle all over again. Aly is more concerned on if she wants to stay at home and feel like she is taking care of her family and working a steady job, or risking it all to try living her dream, worrying if it will fall apart and she will be losing what she had spent years building. 

 

Privacy versus Openness:As Jackson and Ally get to know one another, Jackson needs to decide if he wants to open up and share his demons with her. He has been so use to keeping his personal life to himself that he is afraid to open up. Ally knows he struggles with something deep within himself and feels if he doesn’t open up, their relationship will fall apart. 

 

With each relationship create with others we establish boundaries as to how much we are willing to give of ourselves, which determines the depth of each relationship. Determining how much we allow others to know will determine how many relationships are strong and lasting and how many are only surface relationships that may or may not survive.